| There is not need to focus when theres nothing thats worth seeing. |
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a little girl in a red-rouge, sun-bruised field
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[14 Jun 2007|11:16pm] |
where has all the fucking time went?
It's been since last february that
I have written anything.. in here
anyway.
It's funny how when I was younger
I was always told that I will always
change my opinions and thoughts about
most things as I grow older. I sure
did get hit with realness of it over
these past long months. I think its
a fold in time and every certain
amount of years something develops
in your brain that concentrates a
higher realm of thought, or at least
a completely different one. Now that
highschool is coming to an end its
all sinking into me. In reflection,
this year was probably the most
important and most eye opening
experience of my life. I can honestly
say I have grown into a person with
a lot more on her mind and a lot
more to say about most things some
people don't even bother to think
about.
I've started writing a lot more and
getting a lot more interested in
reading poetry and philosophy. I
feel as though I've hightened my
level of conversation and opened
myself up to a world of people
waiting to be talked to and listened
to at the same time.
More importantly, I've met someone
so special to me, who has taught me
about being me. Who has opened my
eyes in so many ways, changed the
way I see things and think about
things, showed me what its like to
feel beautiful and see beautiful
things even in the ugliest of times,
someone who I can hold conversations
with for hours on end and spill out
everything that has been inside me
for all the years I kept closed.
I feel that everything definetly
happens for a reason, and every single
path you choose leads you to somewhere
completely different. If not for this
path I was lead to, my eyes would
have been dark and closed to so many
things, and so many intense emotions
I didnt even know exsisted. And for
this I thank him endlessly. It feels
like years have gone by, and I've
grown up so much that I know the
kind of person I want to be because
of all the experiences I have had this
year. And this year is not over yet.
This is getting very long and drawn out,
so on a lighter note, I will most definetly
be attending FIT in the fall and will be
living in New York City. I'm scared, but
extra excited at the same time. I know
it will be one of the hardest things that
I will ever do, but I know I will gain
enough will power from my friends and
family to work hard and get through it.
Plus I have the whole summer to fuck
around and prepare to work my ass off,
so wish me luck!
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[17 Feb 2007|11:33am] |
so, I never write in this anymore.
I don't think it matters considering no one reads it.
not much is different.
still work bs, and school bs, and friend bs.
I feel like I'm in deperate need for new faces,
new problems, new worries.
In better news I got accepted to FIT yay!
Although I'm still undecided where I'm going,
it's very exciting news.
ok, enough writing.
well happy saturday
its such a beautiful day.
the perfect day to call out of work ^_^
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[09 Dec 2006|07:26pm] |
why do I still feel this way?
can anyone answer?
no.
no they can't.
because they have no idea.
I feel like I can't talk to anyone anymore.
seriously, at least.
we're all so afraid to be vulnerable,
scared that we'll be judged.
what a terrible way to live.
PS: The world would be a much better
place if we all dressed as grandmas
and grandpas.
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[21 Nov 2006|08:18pm] |
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Oh life, where do I go from here?
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[13 Oct 2006|12:53am] |
I hate regrets.
I hate feeling belittled.
I hate not being over someone.
I hate seeing this person in
the hallways everyday and wanting
to hug them and tell them everything.
I hate knowing it will never work.
I hate hating all of this.
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[27 Sep 2006|02:54pm] |
You know those periods in your life
where you feel like everyone you
thought you knew and loved start
slowly slipping away from you?
It's really starting to affect me,
and it's almost as if theres nothing
I can do about it. I wish they
knew how hard everything is for me
now. I wish they could be understanding.
I wish a lot of things, but just
because I throw my penny into the
fountain doesn't mean any of it will
really happen. Why can't anyone just
come out and tell me whats going on?
What am I doing, and what will mend
this whole cold shoulder thing I feel
I have been recieving from everyone?
It feels as if everone has ganged
up on me, and wants nothing to do with me.
I don't understand. I really don't.
It's at a point where its so evident
that people I care about are purposely
not showing me that they care back.
I know it can't be how it used to be,
since I'm always busy, but please
be understanding. I swear that once I
have my time back, I'll make more of
an effort to be there, but right now,
it's killing me to think that no one
really cares.
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[15 Aug 2006|09:34pm] |
Things that bothered me today:
-Waking up early
-Working 2 jobs
-being fat
-cousins at my house being loud
-No gas in my car
Things that rocked about today:
-nap in the afternoon
-food network
-got paycheck
-got out of work on time
-knowing theres no work tomorrow
-playing mello!
Summer is almost over but who cares.
Next year is my senior year, so its not like
its super hard or anything.
It was a good one I guess.
Although I haven't hung out with a lot of people.
WHERE THE HELL IS EVERYBODY IN MY LIFE.
It's okay, because you don't matter anyway, obviously.
OMG I'm buying my first pair of scrubs tommorow,
hhahahaah I'm so excited, theyre mad hot looking.
w/e someone call me I'm in a wierd mood.
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[22 Jul 2006|10:36pm] |
The first time I have felt real in months..
its feels good to finally breathe.
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[20 Jul 2006|03:51am] |
god I love great conversations at 4AM in the morning.
I feel like 20 pounds of weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
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| I don't know what kind of life I've led today. |
[26 Jun 2006|01:32am] |
It seems like updating has become a monthly thing.
But reasons to always come up in this manner.
Ever have a big regret, and not realize it until
months have passed? And then it kinda haunts you
for ahwile and you try to ignore it, but you can't,
even in your sleep because you keep DREAMING about
it.
I tried and I tried to try to help the situation.
Like even talking or being friends would make this all
go away, but it's still on my mind. And maybe if I
could just go back in time and fix something I
said or maybe how I said it, everything would be
the same and all this wouldn't be going on.
It just hurts to know that I can't even try anymore.
It's completely out of my reach now.
Can it haunt me forever though, I just don't know.
I wonder if they feel the same or if they just think
I'm an idiot for being like this.
I try to push it off like it's all nothing, but it just
won't go away. I tell myself over and over to stop
pursuing, but my mind refuses to let me.
Why did it all come to this, this constant mess in
my head? Someone please tell me what to do, because
I give up.
Maybe I'm over tired,
or maybe I'll never get over this.
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[22 May 2006|10:38pm] |
Somtimes I'm way too stubborn to admit it.
But I'm so scared to keep growing up.
I just keep seeing the world change around me
and the people I see are a lot different looking
than how I saw them years ago. Realizing this,
I've been thinking about all the bridges I burned
and all of the ones I wouldn't get over, and
I thought about how stupid it all was to hold
a grudge(now matter how hard it is not to) or
to act like a child about stupid facts that won't
matter a day later.
It's such a weird feeling to see people that
you've known for years, mature, and grow up.
And also to learn about the people you helped
grow up, like the one person you really felt
that you taught about life, and kind of shaped
them into the person that they are now. You
feel like you really had an impact on their
life, and you wonder where some of their actions
come from, and if you had an influence on them.
Sometimes you regret the things that you do
in the past, whether it be a stupid fight,
a lost friend, or even words said in anger.
Either way, I don't really regret the things
I've said or done, I only regret not realizing
sooner that forgiving is easy, it's admitting
that you were also wrong, thats the harder part
and you just need to grow up to realize it.
I think I realized it.
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[23 Apr 2006|08:21pm] |
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BEING BEAUTEOUS by Arthur Rimbaud
Against a fall of snow, a Being Beautiful, and very tall.
Whistlings of death and circles of faint music
Make this adorded body, swelling and trembling
Like a specter, rise...
Black and scarlet gashes burst in the gleaming flesh.
The true colors of life grow dark,
Shimmer and seperate
In the scaffolding, around the Vision.
Shiverings mutter and rise,
And the furious taste of these effects is charged
With deadly whistlings and the raucous music
That the world, far behind us, hurls at our mother of
beauty...
She retreats, she rises up...
Oh! Our bones have put on new flesh, for love.
Oh ash-white face
O tousled hair
O crystal arms!
On this cannon I mean to destroy myself
In a swirling of trees and soft air!
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[19 Apr 2006|10:50pm] |
Today was such a good day, I can't even begin to explain.
I just thought I should let everyone know.
I seriously love Wednesdays, they get me through my week,
just knowing that the next wednesday will come soon enough.
It's like a natural high I get off of the people and the
atmosphere and the laughs and smiles, its all too good to
be true, but I know its true because I'm there and living
it at that moment. I don't know what I would do without
my wednesdays.
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[17 Apr 2006|11:09pm] |
school+work+indigo coffee house+kates house+shower= I AM SO TIRED FROM LIFE.
ps: i love licenses.
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[22 Mar 2006|09:46pm] |
Love is real
It is not just in novels or the movies
It is fact
And it is standing here right in front of you
So if you open your eyes
Oh what a sweet discovery
There is hope, and there is joy, and there is acceptance
So now let all of the light that collects on your plants
Keep you warm, make you smile
And I will be there with this pen in my hand
To record all the while
You'll be laughing so loud
That the house would shake with sound
And everything will be as new as the day it was found
Love is real
It is not just in long distance commercials
Or something that you thought you felt back in high school
So I will turn black and white
Become that horoscope you're reading
It predicts something good is on its way
Oh, and then I will send you the world green and blue
In a box through the mail
You can open it up, hold it right in your hand
And be glad that it's there
And be glad that you're there
Now, you can feel all the knots in your stomach start to untie
And suddenly it's not so hard to say you're all right
Love is real
It is not just in poetry and stories
It is truth, and it will follow you
Everywhere you go from now on
So if you'd just cast off your doubt
Then your lips would answer for you
Oh my darling, when you smile, it is like a song
And I can hear it now
<3
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[20 Mar 2006|09:58pm] |
1. Where were you 1 hour ago?
work[aka hell]
2. When is the last time you filled up your gas tank?
UHHHHH never. i dont drive it yet!
3. What is the most amount of money you spent in one store?
umm like 200$
4. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
my bra lmao
5. When was the last time you went to the mall?
this sunday.
6. Are you wearing socks right now?
yes
7. Do you have a car worth over $5,000?
nope.
8. When was the last time you drove out of town?
dont drive
9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
yesss, saw V for vendettta
10. Are you popular?
haha i like to think so, lyke omgz.
11. What was the last thing you had to drink?
diet ice tea!
12. What was the last thing you mailed in the mail?
hmmm. nothing recently.
13. Do you wash you car?
not yet.
14. Last fast food you ate.
roasted pepper & mushroom wrap!
15. Where were you last week at this time?
home, laying down prolly.
16. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
shoes & a tank
17. What bank do you use?
Provident Bank
18. Do you own any land?
Nopeee.
19. What do you want to be when you "grow up"?
interior designer/party planner/fashion merchandiser.
20. Your dream vacation?
anywhere but here! haha
22. How old are your parents?
48? i think.. im horrible at remembering.
23. Are you alone?
mom is home!
24. Do you have any single friends?
yes.
25. Last play you saw?
on broadway- Sweet Charity before it closed..again.
26. Have you been to New York?
psh yeah.
27. What are your plans for tonight?
to take a bath then go to SLEEP
28. Last concert you went to?
ETID, BTBAM, haste the day at stone pony
29. Next trip you are going to take?
no idea, its an adventure waiting to happen
30. Ever go to camp?
band camp! hahaha lammmmme.
31. Were you an honor roll student in school?
once in awhile
32. What is your current GPA?
3.95 =]
33. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
not currently
34. Are you hungry?
nope, reall full.
35. Where is your best friend located?
Old Bridgeee!
6. Do you own a cowboy hat?
hhhaah no
37. Do you have a tan?
yeanope
38. How old do you want to be when you have kids?
i dont want kids.
39. Do you collect anything?
RECIEPTS OF EVERYTHING I BUY
40. Is this quiz annoying?
no, its wasting time while my bath fills up
41. Last time you got pulled over?
dont drive!
42. Ever been arrested?
no no no
43. Been to Mexico for Spring Break?
nooo
44. Do you like hot sauce?
ew no
45. Last time you had sex?
N/A
46. Do you need to do laundry?
nah
47. How many friends do you have?
not alot, but i LOVE the ones i do have
48. Are you someone’s best friend?
def.
49. Are you rich?
haha nooo way
no way at all
50. What are you thinking right this minute?
I GATTA PEE! & I WANT MY BATH!
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[19 Mar 2006|07:52pm] |
Having friends as wonderful as I do should be illegal. V for Vendetta was an interesting movie that I had the giggles during. Burping unintentionally loud at the quietest part of a movie, in a thearter makes for uncontrolable laughing. Eating a lot of popcorn that is really buttery makes you thirsty[THERES A WATERFOUNTAIN OUTSIDE THE THEATER..SHHHH DONT TELL KIKI!]. Texting random numbers and having them call you back makes for uncontrolable laughing also. Making Ashlee Simpson lyrics into a hardcore song is fun, you should try it sometime. AGAINST MY WILL IS THE GREATEST HXC GIRLBAND ALIVE, YOU WISH YOU KNEW THEM. Being broke is awesome, so is getting your period on Sundays. Having 2 huge milkshakes will DEFINETLY make you not be able to move for a couple of hours, I would know. Shopping is awsome sometimes, when you spend over 200$ on about 3 things, because you CAN! Taking bubble baths while listening to John Mayer, is going to become a daily event for me. I would enjoy to kill every skinny bitch on TV. They kind of make me angry. Tax returns are awsome and will make for a good shopping spree. Spending money is the cure for any bad mood. Going to school everyday is becoming a grueling task, that I would much rather avoid. I believe that everyone should be as blunt as me. We would all get along so much better. I have come to the realization that TO DO lists NEVER get done, and thats the way that life rolls! I'm in the biggest mood for some Trident Tropical gum; so much that I am considering walking to the closest convience store to buy some; but I just remembered that I was broke. I wish that it would start to be warmer out sooner, considering that I'm always cold and I don't know how much longer I can deal with it. This entry is ending right now.
Whatever I did to make you feel, like you were the one behind the wheel, the sunrise is just over that hill, the worst is over.
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| stolen from kiki beanss |
[16 Mar 2006|09:13pm] |
[Relationship Status] – single; comengetit.
[Parents still together] – nope
[Siblings] – older sis
[Pets] – barkley puppy
FAVORITES
[Colour] – black, green, pink
[Number] – 8
[Animal] – I'm a born&raised doglover.
[Book] – The Bell Jar-Sylvia Plath
[Flower] – habiskus(ps- I spell awesome)
DO YOU
[Twirl your hair?] – yeah
[Have tattoos?] - yess
[Cheat on tests?] – please; people cheat off ME!
[Like roller coasters?] – love them.
Opinions
[Wish you could live somewhere else?] – funny you should mention, it crosses my mind everyday.
[Write in cursive or print?] – sloppy print.
[Know how to drive?] – I know how, cant do it legally yet though
[Own a cell phone?] – YES! that I just got & am paying for myselff.
[Ever get off the internet?] – not really, I don't have a life.
HAVE YOU EVER
[Been in a fist fight?] - no, but I can beat a bitch up.
[Considered being a hooker?] – nah too fat & lazy.
[Been in love?] – love is only temporary.
[Made out with JUST a friend?] – yeah, who hasn't?
[Been in lust?] – definetly.
[Kicked someone in the nuts?] – not that I can recall.
[Current clothing] – Express jeans, my favorite black tank & my gray shrugggerr.
[Current hair] – In a pony tail [wow, who'd-a-thunkit?]
[Current thing I ought to be doing] – Chemistry HW, but WHO in god's name does that useless stuff anymore.
[Current CD in stereo] – uh, well I have a 5 disk changer, so Bright Eyes, Godspeedyoublackemperor!, Mogwai, Into the Moat, & FASSW.
[Last movie you saw] – Coyote Ugly; best movie ever.
[Last thing you ate] – veggie fried rice<3
[Believe there is life on other planets?] – who knows.
[Read the newspaper?] - not ganna lie, I never do, ever.
[Hate yourself?] – hate is a vague term.
[Collect anything?] – concert tickets, movie tickets, misc pictures, RECEIPTS FOR EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER BOUGHT.
[Like your handwriting?] - haha, I write like a man & i LOVE it.
LOVE
[First love] – eh, what a rediculous question
[You believe in love at first sight?] - not really.
[Are you a tease?] – I don't think I am, but opinions vary.
[Too shy to make the first move?] – I have a VERY outgoing personality, but it depends on the person
ARE YOU A
[Daydreamer] – uh, its my life.
[Sarcastic] – ALWAYS,
[Shy] – not really.
[Talkative] – I love to talk, haha.
WOULD YOU RATHER
[Pierce your nose or lip?] – gots both my lips already, so lip.
[Be serious or funny?] – halarious
ARE YOU
[Simple or complicated?] – I like simple things.
ABOUT YOU
[What time is it] – 9:24 PM
[Name] - Emily Margaret Kline
[Nickname(s)] – MLE, Em
WHAT DO YOU WANT
[where do you want to live] – NY, NY
[How many kids do you want] – none, at all.
[What kind of job do you want] – one where I choose my own hours, something with fashion or event planning
[Do you want to get married] – maybe one day.
CLOTHES, ETC
[Which shoe goes on first] – RIGHT, always.
[Ever thrown one at someone] – yes.
[How Much money do you carry in your wallet] – Depends how much of my check I cash.
IN THE LAST MONTH HAVE YOU
[Bought something] – yess.
[Gotten sick] – I'm not allowed to, don't have insurance lmao.
[Sang] – yes! with kattee.
[Felt stupid] – all the time.
[Missed someone] – yes, alot actually.
[Gotten drunk] – probably.
[Gotten your hair cut] - no, I wanna grow mine out.
[Watched cartoons] – surprisingly, no. I don't have time.
[Lied] - mostly likely not, I like being honest.
HAVE YOU EVER
[Been to California] – nope.
[Been to Canada] – nope.
[Been to Europe] – Nope.
[Wished you were the opposite sex] – It's a lot of pressure to be a girl, so yeah.[Snuck out of your house] – I don't need to, I'm allowed out all of the time.
ANYWAYYY. I hate school, and I think that it is really pointless which is why I think that I should never go again. When is this year over? When is summer comming? NOT SOON ENOUGH. I don't like waking up. I like taking afternoon showers while listening to Jack Johnson. Boys who play Bright Eyes and know all the words to every song, like me are really cute. I don't like it when I feel like I fall out with people. I think hookups are stupid. Cuddling is my favorite thing ever and I wish that it was a daily event in my life, too bad its not. I think vegtable fried rice should be the cure for cancer. Algebra 2 is a really hard concept to understand and should be taken out of the highschool curiculum. So should Chemistry. I hate when your foot falls asleep when you cross your legs for a long period of time. Jazz Clubs in the village should be my new home. Jazz music in general should be my new genre. I dont like it when the bottom of your shoe is falling off. It happens to every shoe I have ever owned. I wish that April would come sooner, considering that I can drive legally then. Creepy guys in coffee houses that want to record you, are kind of funny. I hate it when you tell yourself you are going to go on a diet, but then you eat 3 chocolate chip cookies and vegtable fried rice, and then youre like "OH TOMMOROW I'LL BE GOOD," but you know that you're just lying to yourself and you'll never drop 15 pounds by April 10th(my birthday). I think that watching at least 2 hours of Food Network a day should be a REQUIRED event!!
I love saying everything thats on my mind.
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[12 Mar 2006|04:25pm] |
And though I beilive that this has failed,
I am strangely content.
An overwhelming peace, unjustified, has
just come over me.
I feel an undying need to be completely focused
on self-improvement.
I wish things like this came with an instruction
manual.
Nevertheless, my mind wanders, and when this fever sets in,
nothing good ever comes of it.
If only I could tell myself to live in my made-up
world, where everything is just so fucking great.
I wouldn't have to think of the disaster that
I am encountering.
Lust is my temporary happiness, that I just can't
seem to let go.
Why is it that I won't let myself beilive that
this is not forever, and its sole reason for
exsisting is to keep my mind occupied while
my life is passing before my eyes?
Why is this all so vague?
I swear, I just do it to be stepped all over, because I love every second of it.
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[12 Mar 2006|01:56pm] |
It kinda makes me laugh, the way that
my emotions work.
At points, I'm so lost&upset in the real,
and at other times, I'm so happy&delighted
in the imaginary[my own world].
It's so fucked up how this is.
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